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Jan. 12th, 2015 02:15 pmMy friend Kate got an eviction notice today.
Actually, no, Kate got an "eviction notice" today that had us all in stitches.
So Kate's friend Jeff, who's crashing with her a short while, texted her saying that her roommates posted a hilarious eviction notice on her door after she'd left for work, and that he was going to bring it up to show her at work, because it's slow and nothing's going on anyway. I went outside to talk to Mike so I was there when Jeff came walking up with a couple sheets of notebook paper in his hand. We took them in to show Kate and we had a really good laugh over it all because it was a mess of an "eviction notice."
First of all, it was from her roommates, not her landlord. They can't evict her themselves. It was on fucking notebook paper, written in ballpoint pen. All of their points were past the line of bullshit to just being funny, they ranged from "storing materials in common areas" (she left her board and boots in the living exactly like everyone else) to "subleasing [sic] to another person" (Jeff is staying with her a couple weeks, no written contract, not paying her, not staying in common areas, but staying in her room with her), "having strangers over without prior notification to lessor" (Twadde, Ben, Kristen; my reaction was "LOL STRANGER DANGER").
Reactions ranged from "draw dicks on it and leave it on the counter," to "trace it in crayon and tape it to all their doors," but Kate went with "correct all their spelling, grammar, and factual errors with red pen and give them a letter grade." The whole thing was covered in red. The first sentence was basically "I am informing you that I, (name) must inform you that blah blah blah blah." So much informing. He can't spell "financially" either, we saw where he crossed out the wrong letters and tried to get it right. It was ultimately "finanutally." Then I went at it and nitpicked at a couple more things that people often don't pay attention to in real, practical life but always get noticed in legal, written documents. Capitalization, punctuation, syntax.
It's not a legal document, they didn't say 30 days but until the end of the month (which is not 30 days), they're not the landlord, etc. Absolute stupid shit from a couple of idiots. And Kate is just like "middle finger" over this. What did they expect, that she'd beg forgiveness please don't kick me out? Be like "oh ok" and move out by February?
On a more cheerful note, I've been keeping an ear open around the business office and decided to start a Who Called Who Fat newsletter. Most of it's Jeremy, he calls Kristen "Juicybooty Shockwaves" and I overheard Short Carlie telling someone about him calling her fat on a couple occasions. Tim Gale told Parker to go to the gym, Kate told me to sign up for a fitness group, and I told Kristen she'd crush Parker if she sat on his lap. I think Kristen said I have a fat butt? I called Parker fat today just so I'd have something for the newsletter.
Haha I'm kidding though, I don't think I can actually distribute a newsletter about who insulted who. I told Mike about it just to try and squeeze a laugh from him because he looks so tired all the time. I think he's gonna get a full day off next week because Twadde will work for him on Thursday.
Actually, no, Kate got an "eviction notice" today that had us all in stitches.
So Kate's friend Jeff, who's crashing with her a short while, texted her saying that her roommates posted a hilarious eviction notice on her door after she'd left for work, and that he was going to bring it up to show her at work, because it's slow and nothing's going on anyway. I went outside to talk to Mike so I was there when Jeff came walking up with a couple sheets of notebook paper in his hand. We took them in to show Kate and we had a really good laugh over it all because it was a mess of an "eviction notice."
First of all, it was from her roommates, not her landlord. They can't evict her themselves. It was on fucking notebook paper, written in ballpoint pen. All of their points were past the line of bullshit to just being funny, they ranged from "storing materials in common areas" (she left her board and boots in the living exactly like everyone else) to "subleasing [sic] to another person" (Jeff is staying with her a couple weeks, no written contract, not paying her, not staying in common areas, but staying in her room with her), "having strangers over without prior notification to lessor" (Twadde, Ben, Kristen; my reaction was "LOL STRANGER DANGER").
Reactions ranged from "draw dicks on it and leave it on the counter," to "trace it in crayon and tape it to all their doors," but Kate went with "correct all their spelling, grammar, and factual errors with red pen and give them a letter grade." The whole thing was covered in red. The first sentence was basically "I am informing you that I, (name) must inform you that blah blah blah blah." So much informing. He can't spell "financially" either, we saw where he crossed out the wrong letters and tried to get it right. It was ultimately "finanutally." Then I went at it and nitpicked at a couple more things that people often don't pay attention to in real, practical life but always get noticed in legal, written documents. Capitalization, punctuation, syntax.
It's not a legal document, they didn't say 30 days but until the end of the month (which is not 30 days), they're not the landlord, etc. Absolute stupid shit from a couple of idiots. And Kate is just like "middle finger" over this. What did they expect, that she'd beg forgiveness please don't kick me out? Be like "oh ok" and move out by February?
On a more cheerful note, I've been keeping an ear open around the business office and decided to start a Who Called Who Fat newsletter. Most of it's Jeremy, he calls Kristen "Juicybooty Shockwaves" and I overheard Short Carlie telling someone about him calling her fat on a couple occasions. Tim Gale told Parker to go to the gym, Kate told me to sign up for a fitness group, and I told Kristen she'd crush Parker if she sat on his lap. I think Kristen said I have a fat butt? I called Parker fat today just so I'd have something for the newsletter.
Haha I'm kidding though, I don't think I can actually distribute a newsletter about who insulted who. I told Mike about it just to try and squeeze a laugh from him because he looks so tired all the time. I think he's gonna get a full day off next week because Twadde will work for him on Thursday.
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